unread response

in an unread response to Tertium quid...

God showed no fear when he chose to express his love to us. I once lived through a dark time, full of cynicism, weak belief and no fruit. THe word I received when I came out was this:

there is no fear in love.


Merry Christmas, Immanuel

Check out this one...

Hey guy. Guys. I know you all have been waiting for this one. So get ready to read. I blog about every three months or so. They are special.

I just finished reading "Catch-22"

I am currently reading "Fire on the Mountain: the true story of the South Canyon fire"

Other books I have started and not finished

"Prayer" Hans Urs VonBalthazar
"Orthodoxy" G.K. Chesterton
"Amazing Grace" Kathleen Norris
"The Pursuit of God" A.W. Tozer
"The Cost of Discipleship" Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"A Far Off Place" Laurens Vanderpost
"Letters to a Young Poet" Rainer Marie Rilke
"20 Love Poems" Pablo Neruda
"Writing Down the Bones"Natilie Goldberg
"Most of the books I was supposed to read in college, except the ones I liked"

this one's for all you guys

Hey thanks to you loyal supporters. You're really encouraging the blogging over here. Zack - man you really moved me to write this one. Thanks. I couldn't have done this without you.

Props to my brother's in Durango, as well as Santa Barbara, Boston, and Burbank. By brothers, I mean it like "brothers and sisters" slash people I know.

laters

Let me tell you why I find it hard to blog:

-I tend to get too personal for my own comfort...which means I start to speak in indefinite terms, not too much fun for others to read.
-I (clearly) let too much time slip between blogs and it feels a useless and flippant form of expression.
-I have no idea how to be creative with the format of my blog. This makes it boring, more for me than for the imagined you.
-My wife thinks its a bit silly.
-I work.

Jonathan Capp

I have recently done many things since I last wrote. I am writing now, primarily, because my friend James wrote to me and asked me to look at his site; I did; I enjoyed.

I write one poem that I like every so often. They are more rare than they should be, because...well too many reasons.

My life consists mostly of being with my wife and figuring out what our friendship is. This, strangely enough, can be a lonely thing, when one is used to having many different friends that one can talk to about different parts of life. It is a shock when there is now only one person to which you talk about all aspects. It will not always be so, but it is now.

And so I find myself in a strange position; one of not knowing how to invest in new relationships, feeling strangely uninterested and unable to pursue knowledge of other individuals. I am lost amidst my own self, and I cannot make my way out to learn about others. I am not sure what Jesus is doing through all this.

I read something incredible the other day.

"O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. O our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham you friend? They have lived in it and have built in it a sacutary for your Name, saying, 'If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgement, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.'
But now here are men from Ammon, Moab and Mount Seir, whose territory you would not allow Israel to invade when they came from Egypt; so they turned away from them and did not destroy them. See how they are repaying us by coming to drive us out of the possession you gave us as an inheritance. O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."

Hello. It has been many days since I have written; either here or in my journal. What a pity. I find that my life fills up with things I don't like, simply because they are easier than what I love. Praise Jesus that we are called to his glory and to our fulfillment and not to the things we tend to do. It has been beautiful here in the Sierra foothills - a false spring. The oaks know that it will still freeze again, still snow. The manzanitas have been fooled, their delicate upside-down-cup blossoms are longing to open up, and our small pots of herbs-cilantro, oregano, parsley and basil-are all thriving in their infanthood.

Hamba kahle (go well)

jc

Hello. Not much to say, except that I'm adding Jeremy Albright to my list.

jc

I have been in my new favorite place, a place I would like to live for all my days, except for the slight fear of slipping into the ocean. Big Sur is my new best friend. Anne and I spent Thursday evening in Walnut Creek in our friend's apartment and then drove down to Limekiln State Park for Friday and Saturday. I saw the sunset four nights in a row, and I saw seals, seagulls fishing, I watched for whales and felt the waves pounding the beach. What more could I want? This weekend reminded me of something else. I had been praying for some great time of solitude, and it was okay. However, God had in mind that Anne and I would comfort our friend at a time when he needed it and could not communicate it to us. I have no idea how to follow God's heart most of the time, but I am thankful that he is faithful in helping me work out my salvation.

jc

let me tell you about poetry. Poetry is like water that slides down your neck in a rainstorm. You don't know when it will slip into your life, and you must stop and feel it find its channel down your spine. Obedience is mandatory if one is to bear the fruit of any relationship, be it between language and myself, or Jesus and myself. I must be quick to obey and slow to speak, quick to enter in fully and slow to hold back. With poetry or Jesus, if I am late or hesitant I will miss out on that particular instance, that poem, that blessing. The surest way to write poetry is to be planted in the waters, remaining where there is great fruit. Interestingly, both poetry and Jesus are all around us, so "remaining" is actully being diligent in being aware of what goes on around.

my good friend Scott Allen arrived today. It is strange and wonderful how much I missed him. It is something special to have a friend who enjoys you as much as you enjoy him. Good night.

jc

I'm going to see Miracle tonight with my wife Anne this evening, and probably I'll eat a meal before then. That sounds terrific. On a different note, I am disappointed that A-Rod is a Yankee. Not as disappointed as I was when Jason Giambi sold out the A's. There was something tremendous beginning when he left the A's. A rivalry of the coasts that to me could maybe, just maybe have matched the old Dodgers-Yankees storyline. I loved the thought of the little A's with there small payroll and big character and heart against the juggernaut of the Yanks. I love the Yanks like I love baseball, but I hate the Yanks with that same love. Giambi could have powered something great, but now he will be just one more great player who used to play against the Yanks. A-Rod? Who knows. I hope God blesses him and teaches him about the love of money, because it so far has only gotten him from the great town of Seattle to Arlington, Texas, and now New York. Those places are not important, really.

jc

jc

tonight some of our small community decided to gather and worship. I am constistently hesitant - I believe that I have some unhealthy pessimism when it comes to things like this. I worry that we might be silly or surfacy, but instead I found that God indeed delights in our small praise. I have been growing lately (what a vague phrase) - my relationship with Jesus is becoming something new and close. This seems to inevitably mean that all my relationships follow this One relationship. So when I come to worship with this group, I must be prepared to be as close and real and expectant and vulnerable with them as I am with the Lord. The fact is, they are the body of Christ, and I cannot construct a difference between my relationships with them and my relationship with Jesus. This is uncomfortable - it is more human than I desire to be, it is more Kingdom than I desire to be. What an interesting life that I am being called/dragged into. My friends here teach me, they teach individual solitary me about enjoying other's presence and learning about who others are. I hope, in faith, I will learn this.

jc

sunday afternoon. Shabbat shalom. I am not used to this medium of expression, but expression to me is the only way towards real learning and understanding. We express through our lives - at least we notice our living expression - if we know ourselves well enough. Others express through creating - stories, poems, sclutpures, songs. Bloggish expression is not much different than other repetetive and learned types of expression; it is similar to the creativity, but not the discipline of practicing piano everyday. I know not if there is a certain rhythm or sensuality to this or not, but I am curious, for many of the people involved in the community I live in love this form of expression. It tends to encourage in people a certain openness and honesty about the condition of their lives, as long as they are allowing their yes's and no's to be just that.

jc

first blog, last blog, I do not know, but I am curious. Tomorrow, I will investigate more, but tonight, sleep.

jc